Back in Focus

Ever since school started this year I have had a little identity crisis. The girlies have fallen into a great schedule and routine everyday. As for me, I have become somewhat of a blurry mess (aka, out of focus).

My children, being school-aged kids, don't need the kind of mothering that I have been used to for the last nine years. They don't need me to lay on the floor and play Mega-blocks. They don't need me to create a craft project and give them step by step directions. They are, thankfully, becoming more independent.

After school it has been a race to see if we can finish homework, chores, ballet, and music practice in time to play with friends or watch a show before dinner, showers and bedtime. It seemed to me that my mothering hours were limited from 3:30 until 8:00 p.m. Because my hours on duty had changed drastically, I lost my sense of self. I was starting to feel unneeded and retreated into my room to try and find something else to fill up my time.

And I'll tell you what: There are so many things that I can do to fill up my time. So much so, that I started to shirk my duties after school as well because I was involved in "my stuff." Many of these activities have blurred my vision of successful motherhood:

1. Reading celebrity gossip online.

2. Taking hours to design one scrapbook page.

3. Shopping bargains at Landsend.com (everyday).

4. Thinking non-stop about how happy I will be when I'm a size 8.

5. Wishing and listing all the upgrades I want my house to have.

Don't get me wrong, a little day-dreaming and shopping can be good for the soul. Reading about Lindsay Lohan's rehab and being ungrateful for what I have is not. I was starting to spend more and more time on these things and less and less time on studying my scriptures, exercising, talking to friends and family, and genuinely living (instead of always observing). I was choosing good things over the best things. And what was the consequence? I felt depressed, lonely and blurry. I felt unfulfilled.

About four weeks ago I saw the consequences of my choices. I was shirking my responsibilities as a mother. There was a lack of order in our family life. I needed to refocus. I started to remember that even though my kids weren't at home with me 24/7, I still needed to use most of my day fulfilling my role as the mom.

I was reminded of what my Church leaders have said about mothering. It's a divine and ETERNAL role. It doesn't end once my kids are potty-trained. I am excited to redefine motherhood and start this new chapter of our family's life. I restudied the Proclamation to the Family and the Gospel Principles Manual and have been reminded of the following ways to regain my focus:

1. Study scriptures and pray every morning.

2. Invite the Spirit into my home by choosing good media, keeping the home in order, and finding ways to serve.

3. Preparing myself and anything needed for the time when my kids get home from school. (ie. since I only have them from 3:30 until 8:00, why should I spend my time vacuuming instead of being available to my girlies?)

4. Show love and respect to each member of the family. (I have found that there are many ways to show my love through service while the family is absent during the day. Make dinner, write them a note, finish their laundry, etc.)

5. Read scriptures, pray and eat dinner as a family.

Isn't it amazing how these simple things are the keys to success? Through these small adjustments I have turned my lens a few degrees and quickly been put back into focus! "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass. . ." (Alma 37:6)

Please tell me what you do to be an ETERNAL mother. I'd love the advice!

Halloween Rocks!

With Halloween being on Sunday this year, it seems that the holiday has been stretched over the whole week! We went to a Spooktacular Carnival at our church on Thursday, costume parade and parties at school on Friday, ballet with costumes, trick-or-treating at Sco's work, a family Halloween party on Saturday. . . And now, here we are on Halloween Sunday ready for another party with the Halverson clan. The fun never stops for these little ghoulies!

I've loved having the girls wear their costumes around the house. I hear them say things like, "I bet this is the first time The Statue of Liberty has cleaned the mirrors in this house." "This is the first Girl from Paris to wash the sinks here!" "You've got a Pirate with no teeth waiting for the Tooth Fairy to come. Arrrggghh."

In an alternate universe, this would be Bizzaro Sco. Love it.

Halloween Rocks!

Thoughts at the Bottom of a Beanstalk

(Story given to me by Mrs. Van Den Akker)

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Jack who was about to climb his very first beanstalk. He had a fresh haircut and a brand-new book bag.

Even though his friends in the neighborhood had climbed this beanstalk almost every day last year, this was Jack’s first day and he was a little nervous. So was his mother.

Early in the morning she brought him to the foot of the beanstalk. She talked encouragingly to Jack about all the fun he would have that day and how nice his giant would be. She reassured him that she would be back to pick him up at the end of the day. For a moment they stood together, silently holding hands, gazing up at the beanstalk. To Jack it seemed much bigger than it had when his mother had pointed it out on the way to the store last week. His mother thought it looked big, too. She swallowed. Maybe she should have held Jack out a year.

Jack’s mother straightened his shirt one last time, patted his shoulder and smiled down at him. She promised to stay and wave while he started climbing. Jack didn’t say a word.

He walked forward, grabbed a low-growing stem and slowly pulled himself up to the first leaf. He balanced there for a moment and then climbed more eagerly to the second leaf, then to the third and soon he had vanished into a high tangle of leaves and stems with never a backward glance at his mother.

She stood alone at the bottom of the beanstalk, gazing up at the spot where Jack had disappeared. There was no rustle, no movement, and no sound to indicate that he was anywhere inside.

“Sometimes,” she thought, “it’s harder to be the one who waves good-bye than it is to be the one who climbs the beanstalk.”

She wondered how Jack would do. Would he miss her? How would he behave? Did his giant understand that little boys sometimes acted silly when they felt unsure? She fought down an urge to spring up the stalk after Jack and maybe duck behind a bean to take a peek at how he was doing.

“I’d better not, what if he saw me?” She knew Jack was really old enough to handle this on his own. She reminded herself that after all, this was thought to be an excellent beanstalk and that everyone said his giant was not only kind, but had outstanding qualifications.

“It’s not so much that I’m worried about him,” she thought, rubbing the back of her neck. “It’s just that he’s growing up and I’m going to miss him.”

Jack’s mother turned to leave. “Jack’s going to have lots of bigger beanstalks to climb in his life,” she told herself. “Today’s the day he starts practicing for them. And today’s the day I start practicing something too: cheering him on and waving good-bye.”