Ever since school started this year I have had a little identity crisis. The girlies have fallen into a great schedule and routine everyday. As for me, I have become somewhat of a blurry mess (aka, out of focus).
My children, being school-aged kids, don't need the kind of mothering that I have been used to for the last nine years. They don't need me to lay on the floor and play Mega-blocks. They don't need me to create a craft project and give them step by step directions. They are, thankfully, becoming more independent.
After school it has been a race to see if we can finish homework, chores, ballet, and music practice in time to play with friends or watch a show before dinner, showers and bedtime. It seemed to me that my mothering hours were limited from 3:30 until 8:00 p.m. Because my hours on duty had changed drastically, I lost my sense of self. I was starting to feel unneeded and retreated into my room to try and find something else to fill up my time.
And I'll tell you what: There are so many things that I can do to fill up my time. So much so, that I started to shirk my duties after school as well because I was involved in "my stuff." Many of these activities have blurred my vision of successful motherhood:
1. Reading celebrity gossip online.
2. Taking hours to design one scrapbook page.
3. Shopping bargains at Landsend.com (everyday).
4. Thinking non-stop about how happy I will be when I'm a size 8.
5. Wishing and listing all the upgrades I want my house to have.
Don't get me wrong, a little day-dreaming and shopping can be good for the soul. Reading about Lindsay Lohan's rehab and being ungrateful for what I have is not. I was starting to spend more and more time on these things and less and less time on studying my scriptures, exercising, talking to friends and family, and genuinely living (instead of always observing). I was choosing good things over the best things. And what was the consequence? I felt depressed, lonely and blurry. I felt unfulfilled.
About four weeks ago I saw the consequences of my choices. I was shirking my responsibilities as a mother. There was a lack of order in our family life. I needed to refocus. I started to remember that even though my kids weren't at home with me 24/7, I still needed to use most of my day fulfilling my role as the mom.
I was reminded of what my Church leaders have said about mothering. It's a divine and ETERNAL role. It doesn't end once my kids are potty-trained. I am excited to redefine motherhood and start this new chapter of our family's life. I restudied the Proclamation to the Family and the Gospel Principles Manual and have been reminded of the following ways to regain my focus:
1. Study scriptures and pray every morning.
2. Invite the Spirit into my home by choosing good media, keeping the home in order, and finding ways to serve.
3. Preparing myself and anything needed for the time when my kids get home from school. (ie. since I only have them from 3:30 until 8:00, why should I spend my time vacuuming instead of being available to my girlies?)
4. Show love and respect to each member of the family. (I have found that there are many ways to show my love through service while the family is absent during the day. Make dinner, write them a note, finish their laundry, etc.)
5. Read scriptures, pray and eat dinner as a family.
Isn't it amazing how these simple things are the keys to success? Through these small adjustments I have turned my lens a few degrees and quickly been put back into focus! "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass. . ." (Alma 37:6)
Please tell me what you do to be an ETERNAL mother. I'd love the advice!
